There is a profound joy that comes from what we do in NASA, in quantities and depths, and highs like nothing else I have ever experienced. With all of one race victory and some podium finishes to my credit, I never had the luxury of taking winning for granted, and I never came to see it as the only attraction.
Many drivers don’t make winning the harbinger of a good time. Winning is not among their KPI for joy. Those are the drivers you see on grid year after year after year. The fun is the constant. The joy lies in striving toward a goal. It lies in the struggle, the process, and it is present in everything we do, autocross, HPDE, Time Trial and racing.
In racing, it’s the fun dicing back and forth for the whole race and drag racing for the finish, no matter what the end result. In Time Trial, it’s nailing a new personal best just in time to let a faster car go by. In autocross, it’s nicking a cone without toppling it. Of course, in HPDE, it’s that drive toward learning, and finding camaraderie among the best friends you never knew you had.
I was reminded of the wisdom of that approach as I was reading about tennis legend Andre Agassi, who, at the height of his fame, and despite his eight Grand Slam titles, was miserable.
For Agassi, winning had become the only thing, and he felt trapped and burned out. As Agassi put it, he felt like he was standing on top of a mountain he never wanted to climb. Imagine being disenchanted with playing a country club game so well you get paid millions to do it. Without really understanding what that’s like, I guess I can empathize with him.
He had become consumed with his pursuit to the point that the joy disappeared. We see it in racing drivers, too. Winning becomes everything, and the joy drains away. When that happens, it’s important to remember how few people get to realize their dreams of racing as an amateur, let alone going pro.
Psychologists separate the mindset of the two pursuits into two categories, obsessive passion and harmonious passion, and there is quite a bit of research published on it. You don’t need a Ph.D. to understand which is which, but in particular, obsessive passion arises when you feel compelled to do something, regardless of whether you want to. Reward lies in external validation. Fulfillment does not arise from within.
Obsessive passion can lead to burnout, as Agassi pointed out. It also can be found in lots of other sports, in business, politics and even the music industry. The lead guitarist of my favorite band recognized it, and put it rather succinctly, and in a way racers can relate to.
“It’s just part of the cycle. If you wait around long enough, you’ll burn out in almost anything, but then eventually, you’ll revive, too. It also depends on who you are, and what you’re really about,” Jerry Garcia said in a 1988 interview. “If your interest in the music business is to make money and to get famous, that’s easy to burn out. That’s pretty superficial stuff. If you really love music and your heart is in it, then I think you can live a life being excited about it.”
He was talking about finding that harmonious passion. The joy derives from the pursuit itself. The validation is internal, but as Garcia pointed out, it is still possible to get a bit crispy, but you can revive.
I suspect the key to longevity in racing is recognizing the onset of obsession when it happens and reacting in a way that is appropriate for you. If you really love it, and your heart is in it, you can maintain and rekindle the passion over and over again and live a life being excited about it.
